Prison

I never knew I was in prison. I spent the first 39 years of my life blindfolded and I never knew it. People would try to talk to me. To tell me the truth. But it was like trying to tell a blind man to see. It just doesn’t work like that.

When I began to first wake up to the idea that something was wrong, I was 31. I had been in and out of jail for 10 years, and I was horribly addicted to opiates of all sorts. OxyContin was my go to, but I would take whatever I could get my hands on.

Don’t get it wrong, I knew things weren’t good, but I never knew that freedom was possible. No matter how many 12 step meetings I went to, no matter how many cops told me I had a problem and I should get help. No matter how many parents, partners, friends, business associates, and fellow musicians said PLEASE GET HELP, I didn’t think help was possible for me. I thought I would die.

Then one day, I spoke to a friend. I asked him “Do I have to loose everything to get free of this?” He said “No, you can take a stand”. That thought had never occurred to me, that I could take a stand against my self. Self vs self.

I was released from my suffering that day. I was released from the prison of my own mind. I saw I was in prison and I asked those that had escaped how they did it, and they showed me. That’s when the first phase of the work began.

It’s been shown to me, that you have to be dissatisfied with your life to begin the deep self searching that is the first step of the spiritual journey. You’ve got to be done trying to get it done yourself. You’ve got to be out of your own fuel.

The release is sudden. It comes when the seeking end and the finding begins. I found that I held the keys to my own kingdom the entire time. I just had to stop looking for it